Under the Pines
by Insane Guy of DOOM
Summary: Sam takes/forces Danny and Tucker to camping with her over the three day weekend. But what happens when Danny and Sam get stranded in the wilderness and Tucker catches a female Bigfoot's eye? Why the most bizzare love story ever told! DXS
1. There Goes the Three Day Weekend

Disclaimer: I don't own Danny Phantom. If I did you wouldn't know it existed as I have no idea how to make a TV show.

Also I would like to give a special thanks to TPcrazy for beta'ing this and making twice as funny as my original idea.

* * *

"Students, I want you to think of something that makes you very happy." Mr. Lancer wrote on the board with a short piece of chalk. "Something you would enjoy, take pleasure in."

_Football_, Dash thought.

_Me! I love myself. I'm perfect, I'm smart, and loveable_, Paulina thought.

_Technology, girls, meat_, Tucker thought.

_A world with no pollution where humans and the environment live in perfect harmony_, Sam thought. _And maybe Danny naked, wait where did that come from?_

Sam narrowed her eyes and paused to think that over.

_Sam in a bikini, no, Sam naked!_ Danny thought. Danny's eyes glazed over in his very vivid and probably disgusting daydream. All the students quickly became lost in their fantasies, I mean daydreams, and Danny began to blush at his. "Now I'd like you all to write an essay about what you were thinking o-." The bell let out a loud ring and the teenagers quickly ran to lunch before Mr. Lancer could finish giving one of his usual killer homework assignments.

Danny, Sam and Tucker sat down at their usual table and prepared to eat lunch.

"What should we do for the three day weekend? Because there's no way I'm spending another weekend staring at the ceiling in Danny's room." Tucker asked his two best friends.

Sam and Danny nodded in agreement, all though still very deep into their daydreams.

"Guys!" Tucker shouted and raised one eyebrow.

"Huh? What, when?" Danny and Sam jerked their heads in his direction.

"I said, what should we do for the 3 day weekend? It'll probably be nothing but sleeping late." Tucker began.

"Eating ice cream!" Danny added.

"Playing video games."

"Eating ice cream! EATING ICECREAM!!" Danny grabbed Tucker and shook him to stress the point of eating ice cream.

Sam pulled her boyfriend away and glared at him. "Danny, you do remember what happened the last time you had ice cream, right?" She asked.

--FLASHBACK ALERT!!--

Danny took one lick of a glowing green ice cream cone. Then his eyes widened, he ripped his clothes off and ran out of the door.

"THE BRITISH ARE COMING, THE BRITISH ARE COMING, SAM IS ALSO HOT!"

--FLASHBACK ENDS--

"Ok, um back to the present. . ." Sam smiled.

"Yes, but that was the experimental Fenton ice cream. It was bound to happen to somebody." Danny explained while rolling his eyes.

"Unfortunately you two won't be doing any of those things; because the three of us are going camping!" She exclaimed. Danny and Tucker's faces twisted in horror.

"But I hate nature!" Tucker screamed.

"And whenever you suggest we do something, somehow we end up in a life threatening situation, and you guys depend on ME to get you out." Danny twitched and went into a private flashback.

"Too bad, Tucker's parents said that he needed some fresh air." Sam smirked.

"Oh crud…" It probably had something to do with last summer's 'TV pizza explosion epidemic'. A huge BOOM silenced Tucker's curse. It came from the table where the weird kid who builds things sits.

"ATLAS SHRUGGED! Mr. Galt how many times do I have to tell you not to build motors that run on static electricity in the cafeteria!?" Mr. Lancer yelled. "DETENTION!" Mr. Lancer stormed off holding the motor.

"Well Sam, you have no reason for me to go." Danny said smugly. Sam scooted closer to the halfa and began to trace her finger along his chest.

"Just think about it Danny, Tucker hiding from mosquitoes in his tent, with

the two of us alone, next to a moonlit lake, alone…" Sam spoke in the most seductive tone she could speak in, which happened to be VERY, very seductive.

"Fine, I'll go." Danny reluctantly replied. Sam smiled.

"Great! We'll leave Saturday morning and return Monday evening." The lunch bell ended and the trio parted ways as they headed to their classes. Sam was overjoyed while Tucker and Danny were both thinking. 'There goes the three day weekend.' Ok well Danny was thinking more along the lines of 'How does Sam drag me into these things?

* * *

I've been meaning to write this story for a while, unfortunately at the time I was going through a slump where most of the stories that I was writing weren't doing too well. So, to make sure this one wouldn't end up that way, as I like the idea so much, I looked around for a beta. I found one, but he/she hasn't replied since April and I haven't been able to find out if he/she's even visited since then. So I realized I needed a new beta. Now that Under the Pines is in the reviewing hands of TPcrazy I think this might just be my best story to date!

Also, the line ""ATLAS SHRUGGED! Mr. Galt how many times do I have to tell you not to build motors that run on static electricity in the cafeteria!?" Mr. Lancer yelled. "DETENTION!" Mr. Lancer stormed off holding the motor." Is a reference to something, the first reviewer to guess gets to request a one-shot story from me! P.S. TPcrazy you already know the answer so you can't compete. Sorry. 


	2. Ooh! A Side Plot!

Here's chapter two. Once again I would like to thank TPcrazy for beta-ing this making it even funnier than before.

I really haven't been using the ghosts in my stories, so I decided to have Under the Pines have a little sub plot about Skulker. As this story is post Phantom Planet, Skulker and Ember have since gotten married, and now he's a collision course with Danny and co.

* * *

"Skulker!!" Ember screeched at her new husband. The ghost zone's greatest hunter looked over his shoulder.

"What honey?" Skulker sighed. It was great when they got married, but after the honeymoon, ugh.

"How do you call this dinner?" Ember held up a dead ghost-squirrel (**AN: **Wait, how can it be dead if it's already a ghost?)

"I'm the ghost zone's greatest hunter! What do you expect me to bring home? Groceries?" Wait, duh! Hmm, maybe I shouldn't have stopped reading Betty Crocker.

"Ghost Zone's greatest hunter my butt… What you NEED to catch is some dinner, and maybe a better looking suit." The fiery headed ghost muttered to herself.

"I am so a good hunter! Look at all the things I've caught!" Skulker motioned to the trophies of dead ghost squirrels, deer, sheep, pigs and more that covered the walls of their lair. "And what's wrong with my suit? I look amazing!" (insert barf here)

"Yeah. But hunting ghost-animals isn't going to bring home the bacon! When are you going to turn this stupid hobby into a job?" Ember asked.

"As soon as I catch the ghost boy!" Skulker replied.

"Remind me why I married you?" Ember slapped herself in the face. Wait. . .why HAD she married a 3 inch green blob of a ghost?

"For my slick and sassy body!" The ghost hunting ghost announced. Ember frowned. (insert second barf)

"Your 'slick and sassy body' is robotic! You're really a green blob."

"Blobs are sexy." Skulker countered. (insert janitor coming in to clean up the barf)

"Just imagine what our kids are going to look like." Ember frowned. How could a blob even have kids?

"Kids?" Skulker gulped.

"We're having at least three." Ember got up and walked over to him.

Skulker slowly backed away to the door. "Three?"

"Listen mister. We can't keep living off ghost squirrels! I want you go and take your hunter butt and bring back something to eat or something we can sell so we can buy some gosh-darned food!" (**AN: **Do ghosts need to eat? I wonder. Maybe they just like eating because it reminds them of being alive.)

"I'll do better than that! I'll bring home the ghost boy himself! We'd be heroes if I got rid of him. And word on the grapevine is he's going camping in the forest!" Skulker smiled evilly. "Bye honey!" The ghost hunting ghost flew away towards the ghost portal, which as usual Jack Fenton had forgot to close.

"Don't forget to bring back milk!" Ember yelled to her husband. Who was she kidding? Skulker wasn't getting any milk. She'd be lucky if he came back in one piece.

_**Flashback**_

_"Skulker! This is what you call lunch!?" Ember groaned._

_"Hey, this is a very sophisticated piece of-"_

_"This is a piece of your suit with some ketchup on it."_

_"Well, since the ghost boy destroyed my suit I figured, why let it go to waste?"_

_Ember slapped her forehead._

* * *

These chapters look longer when I type them on Microsoft Word. Oh well, the next one should be longer


	3. Wake Up Call! Without the Call

Chapter three, the journey begins… And as always, thank you TPcrazy for beta-ing this.

* * *

Skulker flew out from Fenton Works and disappeared into horizon. Meanwhile, Danny was fast asleep, dreaming a rather odd dream.

--Danny's dream--

"No! The pickles are mine!" Danny screeched at the world's smallest giant hummingbird sushi rap.

"No! They are my precious…MINE!" The world's smallest largest giant hummingbird replied. Then from out of the paperclip's uvula came Tucker in a ballerina tutu.

"There's only one way to settle this!" Tucker said in Michael Jackson's voice. "DANCE CONTEST!" Danny and the hummingbird morphed into giant robots shaped like waffle irons.

"This looks like a job for. . .CHOCOLATE! BUM BUM BUM!" Waffle Iron-Danny opened up his side turrets and fired a stream of chocolate-coated bullets at the Waffle Iron-Hummingbird. As the battle raged, a small robot approached ballerina Tucker and tugged on his tutu.

"It looks like we've got a last minute competitor!" Tucker announced. The small robot went to the center of the cotton candy arena where the dance off had taken place. "What's your name little guy?" The ballerina/techno geek asked.

"Wall-E." The robot answered in a computerized voice, and then Tucker picked Wall-E up and stuffed the robot into his mouth.

"Mmm, tastes like fried babies!" Suddenly Danny teleported away from the scene and found himself in a very strange predicament. He was on one of those horse rides outside of grocery stores, dressed as a cowboy and holing a peanutbutter lollipop cat.

--End Danny's Dream--

Danny shot out of bed, the events of his dream still replaying in his mind.

"What the heck did that mean!?" The halfa yelled to no one in particular.

"Finally you're awake." A voice filled Danny's right ear. He nearly went ghost and pulverized what ever made the noise except he realized its owner. Danny looked towards the alarm clock on his bed stand which read 5:00 A.M.

"Sam, one why are you in my room at five A.M.? And more importantly, HOW DID YOU GET IN MY ROOM?" The halfa asked groggily, already starting to fall back asleep.

"I came to get you. If we don't leave now we won't make it to the campsite until dark!" Sam explained. Danny cursed himself for hoping that the events of chapter one were merely another nightmare.

"Go get Tucker up first, I need my nappy nap." Danny covered his head with a pillow. Annoyed, Sam pulled said pillow off of the halfa's head.

"I already got him up. He has to sort out all of that mayor stuff. So get your lazy half ghost butt out of bed before I kick it out!" Danny grumbled to himself about ballerina tutus and why he couldn't have 

fallen in love with someone who wasn't so darn bossy when she wanted to be. "Did you get the stuff on the list I gave you?"

"List?" Danny asked.

"A sleeping bag, sunscreen, clothes in case you lose yours to wild animals…" Sam explained, while peeved that Danny had forgotten. The halfa got up and walked into his closet.

"Well, uh, here are clothes, here's a sleeping bag and here's sunscreen. Ta-dah!" Danny announced as he through those items into his backpack, which had before been lying on the floor. Danny pulled out a chocoalte bar and took a huge bite.

"I really hope Tucker is doing better at getting ready than you mister." Sam complained.

"Well, he doesn't have anything, or anyone to keep him busy." Danny replied, with crafty look in his eye. Sam quickly caught on to what Danny was thinking of.

"Ah, I see. Oh Danny! You've gotten something on your mouth, it looks like chocolate. Let me get it for you." Sam leaned in to get the chocolate and soon the two were engaged in what most people refer to as "making out" as this is a K plus story, and descriptive making out is a T subject let's see what's going on with Tucker.

--Line Break, Line Break, OF DOOM!--

"Do you, Jazz Fenton, swear to be mayor, and uphold the law and keep Amity Park running smoothly while I'm gone?"

"I swear!"

"Good." Tucker said, obviously upset. He was hoping Jazz wouldn't want to do this and then he could tell Sam that there wasn't a replacement for mayor and he'd have to stay here. "Uh, so you just answer calls. If anyone says anything just say either 'yes', 'okay' or 'Uh-uh', or 'I'm on it'."

"Got it!" Jazz replied enthusiastically. Being mayor wasn't exactly something she wanted to do, but imagine how good it would look on her college application.

"Bye." Tucker waved and slowly walked out of his office. Several minutes later, after Jazz had gotten settled in, the door opened and Tucker's head popped in. "Are you sure you don't want to not do this?" The techno geek asked almost pleadingly.

"I'm sure Tucker." Realizing defeat, Tucker left to meet Sam and get embark on the adventure which would become most probably the worst weekend of his life.

--Several minutes later--

Jazz sat in her temporary office. Wow she liked the sound of that. _The power, it's amazing! _Jazz thought to herself. _I could get used to being mayor. In fact I think I'll become permanent mayor! But what to do about Tucker? Who cares! I've gone mad with power!! Muwahahahahaha! _While I'm simply telling a story, I cannot help but share my opinion and say it's rather pathetic that Jazz had gone mad with power in only five minutes. But just to make sure you get it, here's to explain just how MAD with power she had gotten. She was more mad with power than Paulina was mad with loving her self. . .

(In Paulina's bedroom)

"Yes, yes, ME, IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!" Paulina laughed maniaclly. "Yes, I must stay alive so you all can enjoy ME! ME ME ME ME! MEEEEEEE!! AHA HA HA, ME! Yes, yes, I'm so precious, yes." Paulina curled up on the floor in a tight ball while holding a mirror.

--Back at Fenton Works--

Tucker walked up to Danny's house and pulled out his key, he and Sam both had keys to Danny's house so they could reach him if a ghost attacked. After letting himself in, Techno-Geek-Guy walked up the stairs and headed for our favorite halfa's room. Just as he was about the open the door, Tucker heard some rather strange noises emanating from the room. Curious, he put his ear to the door and listened in.

"Danny, I don't think it'll fit!" A voice, Sam's, said.

"Well there's only one way to find out." Another voice, Danny's, replied. Tucker then heard a groaning and panting as if there was a struggle going on.

"Oh Danny! Yours is so BIG!" Sam complained.

"Don't worry, just push harder!" More groaning and panting. Tucker was about to throw up.

"Ah, done." Danny breathed a sigh of relief. "I told you I could fit my sleeping bag in my backpack!" He proudly announced. Tucker finally walked in to see Danny and Sam exhausted from attempting to fit a sleeping bag into a backpack half its size, and said backpack, which looked as if it were about to explode. Sam got up and dusted her hands off.

"Well boys. Rest times over. It's time for the best camping trip ever to begin! Sam marched out of the room, followed by the very unhappy Danny and Tucker.

* * *

Skulker's lose, Jazz has gone mad with power and the camping trip has begun. This won't end well.


End file.
